Hanging On
I am not complaining.I am grateful.
I am blessed.
I am loved.
I am happy.
Yet there are times when I just feel a bit overwhelmed....
By the day to day routine...
By the unpredictability of children...
By the unpredictability of children...
Because parenting two children shouldn't take this much energy....
I shouldn't be this tired.
I look at mothers of 3,4,5,6 children and marvel at how they keep it all together.
Doubt creeps in. I second guess myself.
Am I doing something wrong? I judge. I criticize.
Did I handle this or that situation right?
Could I have done more,
should I have been more patient?
Are my expectations too high, not high enough?
Am I modeling the behaviors and values I want them to copy?
There are some days I tuck my boys into bed and think, ok,
we are alright we made it through another day.
We are hanging on...
Don't misunderstand.
There are PLENTY of good days.
In fact, MOST are, even if just for their simple normalcy.
We have AMAZING days too...
Filled with these perfect, golden moments.
And then there are the in between days.
or the days when it feels like everything is falling apart.
But then I hear a song like this (click to hear)
And I am reminded I am not in this alone.
I am reminded that yes, there are going to be days when I get by with God's grace alone.
And that is ok.
It is my nature to desire harmony all the time, as unrealistic as that is.
I need to get better at not blaming myself for things that are out of my control.
When I feel like I am sweeping up crumbs for the 100th time in a day,
I give thanks my children are growing and have plenty to eat.
When the noise level in the house reaches a high that makes the walls shake,
I give thanks that I have 2 active boys and that they have room to run and play.
(then I ask them to keep it down. :))
When I can't seem to get a thing done between temper tantrum and tears,
I give thanks that I am needed. That there is still much mothering to be done.
And when I find myself questioning how I measure up in the motherhood department,
I too give thanks. Thanks that I am am still growing, learning, changing.
That there is room for me, for all of us, to be better versions of ourselves.
And I give thanks that when I look and listen long enough,
even those days when I feel I'm just hanging on,
there is understanding, love, and support in abundance.
Thanks for letting me share a glimpse of my heart.
xo,
Tess
I shouldn't be this tired.
I look at mothers of 3,4,5,6 children and marvel at how they keep it all together.
Doubt creeps in. I second guess myself.
Am I doing something wrong? I judge. I criticize.
Did I handle this or that situation right?
Could I have done more,
should I have been more patient?
Are my expectations too high, not high enough?
Am I modeling the behaviors and values I want them to copy?
There are some days I tuck my boys into bed and think, ok,
we are alright we made it through another day.
We are hanging on...
Don't misunderstand.
There are PLENTY of good days.
In fact, MOST are, even if just for their simple normalcy.
We have AMAZING days too...
Filled with these perfect, golden moments.
And then there are the in between days.
or the days when it feels like everything is falling apart.
But then I hear a song like this (click to hear)
And I am reminded I am not in this alone.
I am reminded that yes, there are going to be days when I get by with God's grace alone.
And that is ok.
It is my nature to desire harmony all the time, as unrealistic as that is.
I need to get better at not blaming myself for things that are out of my control.
When I feel like I am sweeping up crumbs for the 100th time in a day,
I give thanks my children are growing and have plenty to eat.
When the noise level in the house reaches a high that makes the walls shake,
I give thanks that I have 2 active boys and that they have room to run and play.
(then I ask them to keep it down. :))
When I can't seem to get a thing done between temper tantrum and tears,
I give thanks that I am needed. That there is still much mothering to be done.
And when I find myself questioning how I measure up in the motherhood department,
I too give thanks. Thanks that I am am still growing, learning, changing.
That there is room for me, for all of us, to be better versions of ourselves.
And I give thanks that when I look and listen long enough,
even those days when I feel I'm just hanging on,
there is understanding, love, and support in abundance.
xo,
Tess